Friday, October 10, 2014

The Sun Always Comes Out


Sixteen years ago right now, I was getting ready for my wedding.  I was excited.  Not nervous at all.  It was a beautiful evening ceremony.  The church was decorated with pumpkins and harvest bounty.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and Autumn is my favorite season.  Perfect.

Well, everything has a season, and when the purpose for that season is finished, the energy in that situation shifts, and it's done.

Anyone who has been reading my blog has been with me on these last two years.  They have been filled with sadness, rage, despair, hilarity....filled with sad anniversaries, amazing revelations, online dating ups and downs, the loss and shift of many different relationships in my life.

I have a few people in my life right now who are fighting their own battles in their lives.  They are  frustrated, beaten down, sad, angry....I know those feelings.  I have lived those feelings.

....and I made it through to the other side.

It is for those who are fighting those battle whom I write this today.  The sun always comes out.  There will always, always be storms in our lives - that is the path we have chosen for ourselves before we left that perfect Heaven to come back to Earth.  They are how we grow.  How we learn.  All of our battles and lessons are unique to us, but they all share the common thread of teaching us what we need to know in order to be our very best selves.  This is what I have learned so far....

I have learned that it is so important to ask for help....and to accept it when it is given, with grace and gratitude.  I have learned, with this amazing help, that all of my feelings - good and bad - are my normal.  They are essential for my growth.  Be with these feelings people!  Sit in them.  Acknowledge them for what they are.  Denying them only prolongs the agony and the eventual sunshine.  Sit with them, but do not let them overstay their welcome.
Far too often, too many of us get a little too comfortable with those bad feelings because the thought of change is too scary.  You are only hurting yourself, and sometimes, those who love you.  Once you are at a place of calm acknowledgement for whatever you are feeling, it is then time to release it with blessings.  
THE SUN ALWAYS, ALWAYS COMES OUT.

I am proof of that.  

Do I have my sad days still?  Of course I do...I took my marriage vows very seriously.  BUT, the growth and learning that I have done since this horrible occurrence has been a gift that has changed my life for the better.  I am grateful for every tear, every angry thought, every "why me?", because it has brought me to this moment....and boy, is that sun ever shining.

To my friends - and even those whom I have never met - you WILL make it.  You will come through on the other side of this and be stronger, wiser, and more in love with life.  I promise you.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Unexpected

Do you believe it is possible to fall in love with a person you have never met face to face?

I don't know that I ever put too much thought into that.  My online dating history is based primarily on initial physical attraction - if I like the way they look in their profile pic, then I will look closer.  That's how the entire system works.  It's Pinterest for dating.  I do think that I am an anomaly online in that I answer every message that I receive.  That sometimes gives men the wrong impression, but I'm always quick to make it clear if I'm not interested in them, in as kind a way as I can.  I've messaged men and have been completely ignored and it's a terrible feeling, I don't want to be the one to make someone else feel like that.

I was still recovering from a big ole dose of man reality.  I had my profile hidden.  I was sad, disenchanted, and didn't hold out much hope.  More out of boredom than anything, I decided to bring my profile out of hiding.  I began receiving messages almost immediately.  One of them was a funny response to my profile headline.  I love funny so I  messaged this one back.  Understand that this was purely for entertainment purposes.  I was neither looking, nor at all interested in putting my heart out there and being hurt again.  Of course I would eventually, but not yet.

From the first day this man messaged me, he made me laugh out loud.  I would wait, refreshing my page, for his replies.  Literally from the time I opened my eyes in the morning, until I closed them at night we would be in contact.  Any topic.  When I wasn't reading his messages or typing my own replies, I was thinking about him.

Did I mention that I didn't know what he looked like?

He did send me a photo and in a dumb-ass move when I was mass purging my inbox, I accidentally deleted it....and then proceeded to empty out my deleted items box before I realized what I had done.  Ugh.  Of course I asked for another one.  Having a memory that has seen it's better days, I really couldn't remember what he looked like.  He kept putting it off, I'm sure, because he was certain that I wouldn't find him attractive.  But that didn't matter at this point.....did it??  I mean, I was crazy about this guy.  Smitten.  Falling hard and fast.  Would it matter what he looked like?  Was I that shallow??  Honestly, I was afraid that I was.  He knew what I looked like, because my online profile was loaded with photos of me.  

We made plans to spend Canada Day together.  I got cold feet at the last minute and those plans got cancelled.  I still didn't know what he looked like.  This man who meant so much to me.  This man who started my days with a "Good morning beautiful" message, and sent me to dreamland with a "Goodnight sweetheart. xoxo".  Were my feet cold because I was afraid of what he looked like or that I was a horrible, shallow person?  Truthfully, both.

We made plans a second time.  Meeting for ice cream.  This time I was excited.  Confident.  I knew that my feelings would go beyond anything I may or may not see at DQ.  Well, I was pretty sure....

The moment of truth arrived.  I saw his SUV before I saw him.  Closer...getting closer...Oh God, he's almost to my car...
WHEW!!!  He was adorable.  

Now you have to understand....we knew each other intimately, yet had never met in person.  We were strangers, yet we were far from strangers at this point... I had never felt closer to anyone.

Our meeting went amazingly well.  I was instantly comfortable with him, and although he was nervous, I soon put him at ease.  It was so different being able to speak face to face.  It was easy, fun, we had amazing chemistry.  Feelings continued to grow at an unbelievable pace.

So...here we are.... 3 1/2 weeks after initial contact.  We are both crazy smitten with each other...and this all happened, for me, in writing.  The in-person meeting just confirmed it.  I am not making any future plans.  I intend to just enjoy every single day and be as present as I can.  Regardless of what happens with us, this has been an amazing gift from the Universe for me.  I have learned much about myself.  Mainly, that when I least expect it, the most amazing things can happen.

I just may get the hang of this "life" thing yet.


Friday, June 20, 2014

Spring Cleaning

Wow!  Shame on me!  I have missed my last 3 post days.  It's not that I don't have anything to say...haha, surely you jest...I always have PLENTY to say!  I guess I haven't been able to sort through my things to say in order to put fingers to keyboard and send it out to cyber space.

So, in the interest of the chaos within, I give you my brain, and the myriad things occupying it:

- still pining over dude from my Unconventional Ways post (and you all thought it was fiction...).  Hard to put this one into words.  Let's just say that all things point to the Universe telling me I haven't finished with that chapter yet. No, I haven't seen him since..heard briefly from him.  It's a sad, possibly pathetic, scene...

- my girls are wrapping up their school year.  Awards banquets, parties, studying...it's a very crazy time of year.

- my *gasp* 25 year high school reunion.  I know, I know, how can I be going to a 25 year reunion when I am merely 25 myself??  It's a question for the mystics....

- rain, rain, rain...

- my house is a disaster area.  I hate making suppers.  My yard is a mess.  Being a grown up is totally overrated.

- more work clients coming in - YAY!

- I briefly un-hid my online dating profile for a few days...literally inundated with messages.  Great for the ego, yes, but 90% of them are so far from my taste profile that it's laughable.  A couple, very nice...one or two, very handsome and charming.  Alas...see my first item on this list...*sigh*

- Ok, this one is hilarious...last year, way back when I first started this online odyssey, there was a man whom I saw and immediately lusted after.  I actually got up the nerve to message him and it was a freaking disaster.  Truly.  I was a dolt.  You know that scene in Dirty Dancing where Baby finally meets Johnny?  He says to his cousin, "What's she doing here?" and Baby, just wanting to talk to him says "I carried a watermelon!"...then awkward silence....afterwards she is mortified, saying to herself, "I carried a watermelon?!?" ....yeah...that's pretty much how I was with this guy.  It was a train wreck.  He was so kind, although I'm sure having a good laugh at the big loser who just attempted to charm him - and failed epically.  Well, once in a while we would say hey - after I begged him for a do-over - and that was that.  Somehow, now we are good friends!!  We text every day.  He is heartbreakingly handsome, and I tell him that pretty much on a daily basis...we flirt shamelessly with each other, but it's all in good fun.  Isn't that just the way it works??  haha!!  Carry those watermelons girls!!

- mantras.  I'm saying them daily.  I've always said how powerful our minds are, but have never tapped in to the whole mantra thing until very recently.  Now, I say them daily - often times throughout the day.  I really like the positive dialog with myself, and it has made me very much aware of the way I think and talk to myself.

- Orange Is The New Black, season 2...I waited FOREVER for this to come out!  It came out on June 6, and I had that baby finished by June 9.  Now, I wait....again.

- popcorn.  Is it terrible, that at 43, I still find it a totally acceptable meal for myself?  I would never allow my girls to do that, but isn't that the perks of being an adult?

..and finally...

- Starbucks.  I love Starbucks. I wish my small town of 350 people would get one.

Whew!  That feels MUCH better to get that all out!  Now I have made some space for new thoughts to come strolling through...you can see how it has been chaos in there.  Nothing like a little Spring cleaning.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Out Of My Comfort Zone - Part 2

Hi everyone!  Believe it or not, I didn't miss posting a blog yesterday, I just posted on my travel blog rather than here...
Head on over and check it out!

http://wearcomfyshoes.blogspot.ca/2014/06/out-of-my-comfort-zone-part-2.html

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Thinking Out Loud

Thursday again already??  Wow that went fast! Today's thinking out loud post will be a "Reading Out Loud" post.  I'm a book hoarder, and proud of it.  Book stores make me happy.  I'm forever fondling their covers, building my want list, and reading their book jackets.  My girls have a love of books too, thank goodness.  When we go to Chapters, it cannot be on a time limit.  We all know that this is not something that can be rushed.
I always read to them from the time they were born and made a promise to each of them, and myself, that I would never say no if they asked me for a book.  They have gotten plenty of no's for candy, toys, and clothes, but never for a book.
Here are some of my favorites so far in my life:

1.  The Gruffalo.  I LOVE this children's book.  It is so fun to read out loud, and I damn near had it memorized when my girls were little!

2.  The Bride by Julie Garwood.  I rarely have read a book more than once, and I've read this one three times.  The first time I read it, I literally stayed up all night.  I was just reading before sleep as usual and all of a sudden I could hear birds chirping outside!!  Oops!!  This is just a good, historical romance that speaks to me for some reason.  I've actually read all of Julie Garwood's historical romance novels.  I love her.

3.  The Outlander series.  Don't even get me started.  This is the series to end all series.  I LOVE these books.  These are the types of books that when you finish one, you miss the characters and wonder what they are doing.  Don't believe me?  Try it!!  I am so freakin' frackin' excited for this series to start on TV!

4. The Hunger Games series.  I loved this.  How an author can go from writing children's literature to these amazing books astounds me.  It just goes to show the depths of imagination that some people have.

5. Now here is where my diversified tastes show themselves...The Celestine Prophecy.  Holy crap did I love this book.  I can very easily say that it changed my life.  I love this book.

6.  E2 by Pam Grout.  Another life-changer.  Truly.  I love that this gives proof that our thoughts create energy which affects the world around us.  This is a fun read as well, Pam Grout has a great way of looking at things.  She made me stop and say "I never thought of it that way!" more than once in this book.  Get this one.

7.  This is one that I am currently reading.  Another game-changer that fits right along with the principals taught in E2.  The power of manifesting is something that hardly any of us tap in to.  I love exploring my higher self and the complete potential of amazingness that is just waiting for me to take a hold of.  Get this one too.  Now.  Go.


That is my Reading Out Loud post for today!  I'd love to know what your favorites are!  Leave them in the comments!
Thank you Amanda at Running With Spoons for sharing the link-up love!!







Monday, June 2, 2014

Phenonemal Woman - That's Me

Last week our world lost an amazing woman, Dr. Maya Angelou.  I have always had a love affair with words...I love the way that the right words, strung together, can evoke emotions so powerful that they can move a person to tears, or make them laugh right out loud.  All of my life, the best way that I have had to express myself is through the written word.  I know of no one who has a greater gift of the written and spoken word than Maya Angelou.  I love so many of her poems, but today, I thought I would share this one...for I am a Phenomenal Woman, after all....


Thursday, May 29, 2014

Singing Out Loud!

I decided that this Thursday is for Singing Out Loud, rather than Thinking Out Loud.  Music is, and always has been, a HUGE part of my life.  My dad has always told me that I was singing before I was talking.  He is an amazing singer as well as my brother, so we always had music playing around us growing up.  At home, in the car...if it wasn't on the record player or 8 track (yes, I just aged myself), then we were just plain singing.  Some of my favorite memories are of my dad and I driving and singing and harmonizing all the time.  I love him so much for doing that with me.  He taught me some great oldies and they are forever etched in my heart.

Today, in my life, I always have music playing, or I'm singing - usually without me even realizing it.  My girls are the same and I love that so much.  You'll never hear me yelling at my kids to "Turn that music down!"!!

Here are my latest favorites that keep me singing all day long:

1. Pentatonix, and their cover of Say Something.  Oh.My.God.  First of all, I freakin' frackin' LOVE Pentatonix.  Second, I freakin' frackin' LOVE Say Something - for the first two months it was out I couldn't even hear it without bursting into tears.  Now, this is one of my very favorite songs to sing.



2.  Olly Murs, Troublemaker.  This is my jam.  I love this little ditty and you should hear me bust out Flo Rida's rap bridge...CRUSHED IT.




3.  She's Not Afraid by One Direction.  My readers already know of my love for 1D - and Harry in particular.  I really do love these guys and I love crankin' out their tunes.  These are definitely ones that my girls and I sing together!




4.  Michael Franti, Say Hey.  If there was ever a feel good song, this is it.  Turn it up.  Loud.  And dance.



5.  Finally, this one is not yet on my play list, but I think it is so heart-wrenchingly beautiful that I have to include it.  It is from the finale of The Voice, which, in my opinion, Christina Grimmie totally should have won, but whatever.  This is Christina and Ed Sheeran (whom I also love, love, love) singing All Of The Stars from the Fault In Our Stars soundtrack...a book that had my oldest in tears for literally three days after she finished it...that will be a messy movie...



What are you latest shower jam favorites??  Let me know in the comments, I love building a new play list!!
As always, my Thursday love goes out to Amanda at Running With Spoons for her Thursday link-up love!!